Guys, it’s been a rough trot lately. You’re probably sick of hearing that but geee whizz it’s been a really hard few weeks.
To be honest, the Pity Party is still in full swing and we keep crying… I mean there’s plenty of laughing too but it’s gotten to the stage where we greet each other like this
“Good Morning! I’ve already cried once today and it’s only 6am”
“Meeeeeeee too! Was yours a quick sniffle or a good howl?”
“Oh it was pretty howly… but then I found some peanut M & Ms”
“Oooh…got any left? I think that’s what I need!”
So what happened? How did the wheels fall off?
Basically we were reported for operating illegally… Which according to all the publicly available information we weren’t.
We would buy all our products in ‘finished’ from licensed facilities and then send them out in deliciously stanky parcels. We did no processing, cooking, dehydrating, prepping, slicing, dicing of any description on site.
However, I will admit to brushing furry cow ears with a horse brush (it was one of those momentous times where you think “Well, I just didn’t think i’d end up a fully grown woman, sitting in a shipping container, grooming a cow’s ear… Didn’t that Uni degree pay dividends ?)
But according to the Meat Police Overlords, there was a teensy little clause, from something written in the 60s (not kidding!) that said were were ‘processors’ and as such needed a licence.
For things like blood and guts and meat and food prep… sure I get it…
But moving a dried goat trotter from one box into another box? Not so much.
Anyway, I just couldn’t come at the licence requirements. It involved a whole new facility, mountains of paperwork, vast amounts of cash and a squillion rules.
I started this business so I could work from home, surrounded by animals and keep a quiet, private life tucked away in my Valley. With these changes I’d need to build a whole new facility and be left wide open for the Meat Police to barge in whenever they wanted and whenever the Dibber Dobber wanted to have another whinge.
With rules like this, it was never going to fly ??
While it would be sad not to have the dogs or lambs in the office with us anymore, I just couldn’t bear the thought of telling Mary Kate that we no longer had a job for her.
She’s worked so hard to put herself through school and finally got her dream job as Gully Road’s Wellness Officer – It was just too much to tell her we no longer had a job for her.
So who were the dibber-dobbers?
I’ve got a few ideas… but that’s where you come in ?
Before packing everything up, we compiled the biggest, stankiest, treato haul of all time – and it’s up for grabs for the successful identification of The Dibber Dobber. There’s more on that below
Um… What now?
Well one option was to shut the doors completely (that was the desired outcome of the Meat Police). The other was to lawyer up and fight…. and that would drain my pockets (& happiness cup) pretty quickly ?
But THEN… a cracking solution came along.
We’ve decided to hand the reins over to our mates ‘down the road’ who have been supplying Gully Road for a while now. They’ve got all the licences (stick that up ya bum Dibber Dobber), they’re a small family business, they live on a farm surrounded by weird looking animals and they’re just good people.
I knew you guys wouldn’t hang around for long if we sold up to some plastic lovin’ corporate so this seems like the perfect solution. Obviously there will be a few teething problems while we do the handover because meticulous record keeping is err…not one of my strengths ?
To be more accurate, we’re just throwing them in the deep end with helpful instructions like “These Moo Tubes are great for little teefs. Teeeeeeeeeeeeeefs! Lil snappy teeefers” (while tapping our own teefs for illustrative purposes)… It’s pretty advanced stuff ?♀️
But in the end you can expect the same deeeeeeelicious products and generous servings – sourced from small businesses around Australia. The focus will always remain on providing ethical treatos with minimal waste. Because haven’t we all had enough of cutesy plastic packaging holding a measly 80gs of treats?? It’s just so bloody pointless and needlessly wasteful ?
So what’s next for us?
Well we’ve lined up a few gigs at a Strip Club when lockdown is over and failing that, there’s always the street corner.
Nah, I don’t know… but I can tell you one thing, it will 100% not involve the aroma of dried fish… (but depending on how dirty your mind is, you can draw your own conclusions about our new chosen professions ?)
So, we actually don’t know what we’ll do.. but don’t worry, we’ll pop back into the Gully Road socials and let you know about our new venture.
But you know what guys? We’re going to miss you. Not in that cheesy tourism campaign sense of the word either. We really will.
Even typing this has me tearing up again.
What a surprise!..Got any peanut M & Ms?
It’s been quite bizarre getting to know you and your puppers so well over this last year. We’re invested in you guys and we genuinely care whether Jasper gets better and whether Jeeves will ever learn to Jedi mind trick his Mum into dishing out more treatos. We’ve loved being part of your lives and we’re so grateful for every single order and message of support.
This is so shit.
Fuck you Dibber Dobber.
Please, please, please continue to support Gully Road. Chris and his family will bend over backwards for you guys and I really urge you to get behind them. Feel free to introduce your dogs in the order comments, put in special requests and be specific with your teeeeeeeef requirements (remember: they understand better if you tap your own teefs at the same time).
By supporting Gully Road you’ll be continuing to support the little guys and be helping make the world a better place for animals xxx
If you’d like to keep up with us, you can find our personal accounts on Instagram below. Who knows, with all this spare time we might post more than once every 6 months ?
And if you’re keen to keep up to date with our random farm happenings on Facebook, check out Timmy Trumpster Rescue Pony on Facebook (language warning applies ?)
Don’t be shy, come and say hi!